Red Dead End

Soon it is coming. Rock Star's new offering at the Alter of Delusional Escapism. Red Dead Redemption looks set to satisfy the spiritual needs of the faithful through the ritual of Wasted Youth.

I can feel it coming. The game has spoken to me (through youtube) and I have seen visions (screenshots) of a digital heaven. In our masses we shall flock to purchase and devour and never be sated by a world that allows us to behave as in paradise; without abandon and in complete hedonism.

The coming release of Red Dead Redemption will in reality only be cataclysmic for a few; (16-28 year olds who indulge in emancipating fantasy and probably heavy masturbation). Freed from the shackles of reality and given the tools to unleash our wrath on the Wild West as a stubbly mensch who answers to no man or parent. A beast who has the social skills required to procure sexual pleasure from a second party. A monster who channels the mediocre impotence of the downtrodden, timid middle-class and their secret homicidal wishes.

The game as with Rock Star's other franchise GTA, wants to push the sandbox genre further than ever before creating an insane world for the nutcases that compose most of the gaming market to run free in, thankfully keeping them out of the real world. Based upon videos and screenshots the game looks as though it will be extremely immersive without being tedious. Taking your bitch girlfriend to play darts and her prefering Cluckin' Bell to some fancy restaurant started to drive me nuts. I hate it when my phone rings in real life so when my video game life starts to suck then all of existence starts to suck. There are no mobile phones in the wild west, only camp fires and crazy ol' coots spinning yarns.

This kind of story telling really adds to the atmosphere. The game design looks fantastic as well, which helps. All in all it looks as though this game will bring most people as close as possible to being a cowboy that you can currently be with today's technology. However as games become more and more convincing we have to worry about the toll it will take on the already predominantly schizophrenic gamer demographic. Lets just hope that they stay in doors hunched over their controllers, collecting, completing, levelling up and masturbating furiosly and without cessation for eternity.

Identity Crises: Questioning the Legitimacy of my Geekiness

I have recently been rejected. Not by a potential lover or by a street dancing crew, but by a large conglomerate. Looking for a place on the editorial team of The EIU I was given a sub editing test which I promptly and effectively failed. I was extremely concise in my mistakes which ensured that I got everything absolutely wrong and now I will have to suffer the throes of a punctured self-esteem and the embarrassing sound of a quickly deflating head. There is something slightly revealing about being refused entry to an Intelligence Unit; you have an undeniable confirmation that you belong to another unit.

Worse than any of these thing however is the fact that I now have to question my own geekiness. Indeed when told that I would have to be refused entry to the building if I attempted to show up again, it was suggested that the person who would eventually attain the coveted position would have to be "geeky" about editing. "But that's me!" I screamed, tears falling down my ruddy face and a fine layer of mucus manifesting itself just around my nostrils. Obviously though, it's not. If I were the geek for the job I would have gained a savant like result on the test and then written a commentary in the extra twenty minutes at the end.

So the big questions come up. I'm definitely obsessive- there's no doubt about it- but I'm not obsessive enough to be useful. So readers I ask you, The Intelligence Unit has given it's decree and suggested that perhaps I am not a geek. What do you think constitutes a geek? Please know that this question is delivered on nothing but pure faith because I know that we don't have a giant readership.

The hottest new office thriller to hit the screens this summer!

When things go wrong at an office in town, one man has the courage to sit down and recover the deleted files. With Kafkaesque performances that really show you how boring the working world can be, Bruce Lee stars in

Enter The Data

"I'm sorry but you'll have stay past 5.30 and finish that report..."

Addiction Warriors 6: Empires!

Hack and slash is not something I tend to like. I'm highly intelligent. However, if you chuck in some emotive stuff (story) vague references to classical literature and one hundred weird characters with a table of biographies, I tend to completely immerse myself in some semi fantasy role play, even if the character design is super manga style. That's why I'm addicted to Dynasty Warriors. Taking command of a character who has god like fighting ability and faced with a ancient battlefield filled with enemy soldiers, repeatedly pressing square for hours takes on a whole new charm. It's very moreish.

Dynasty Warriors 6 Empires is basically the same game as Dynasty Warriors 6. More characters, more moves, more maps- yeah, but basically the same. The major edition is the fact that you can now take over China through a succession of battles on a satisfying map, fulfilling all your tyrannical needs. Uniting China gives you a real sense of meaning; something you can pass down on to other generations.

Whether you like it or not is irrelevant to me. The game is addictive even if it isn't good. It's Koei's highest seller and basically carries the company. The addiction factors are- leveling system- something that can keep you playing even the most banal rpgs: reaching the highest point of excellence open to a little pixelated illusion. Huge number of characters- basically multiply the levelling up element by a hundred. That's about it.

So regardless of what my girlfriend says, and ignoring the truth in the back of my mind that playing hours of this game is actually wasting my life, I will buy the next episode in a saga that seems like it will go on forever and continue to indulge in my unhealthy reliance on Dynasty Warriors.

Infernal Affairs apparently not Current Affairs

You will no doubt have heard of this series of Hong Kong movies and the endless praise that has been showered upon them. They are without a doubt good films; nearly everyone says so. They also came out five years ago so this is not a review. Although I am a legitimate geek, I'm rather a lazy one and not as up to speed or as on the pulse as some of my counterparts. I don't constantly have my nose in the air, sniffing the winds of change in the realm of Middlearth and therefore when I do eventually become an obsessive fanboy, I tend to stand alone and pitiful in my long delayed appreciation. So five years later I now want to be/rifle through the rubbish bins of Hong Kong star Tony Leung.

In my day to day life I'm sure my friends would agree that I'm a young Marlon Brando type inspirational leader of the pack (minus the camp leather caps). Cool, calm, slick: the chicks dig it. However, as I began watching Infernal Affairs I, I felt the transformation take over me. "My god this is so cool" I said to myself as there was no one else in the room. After Infernal Affairs III I was hooked. The acting is so good. The premise is so cool. The script is so crisp. The twists make my neck hurt. WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Never again will I lead a normal life unless I can get this obsession to subside which means seeking out and watching every film any of the actors from Infernal Affairs have ever produced.

I cannot really express how good the films are. Certainly as good as the godfather trilogy, (not three), and I strongly recommend that you get sucked in.